© 2022 Alicia Dara
In January I was hired to give my three-month “Power Voice for Career Women” remote training program to a cohort of 45 women at a tech company in Austin, Texas. My contact for the cohort was a woman I’ll call Marisol*. She was warm and friendly, with a dimpled smile and glossy black hair. Mari had recently been hired as the Senior Team Leader for the group, and she had big ambitions for them. She was excited for her team to learn Power Voice skills so they could become more confident when speaking up for themselves in their highly male-dominated workplace. She also wanted them to get promoted to high positions of power and break up the company’s Executive leadership block, which was 89% male.
At our first strategy meeting, where I ask clients about their specific needs and goals, Mari told me something she felt I needed to know about her group of women. She said that they seemed “unthrilled” about working on projects together, and didn’t have good things to say about each other’s work. She also said that occasionally during meetings they would become downright hostile toward each other, which created tons of communication breakdown.
Mari knew this was unsustainable. So she commissioned an anonymous survey that asked specific questions about the women’s work relationships, their history together, and their thoughts about how to improve the group’s relations going forward. The survey results mirrored the larger company dynamic she had already observed. A culture of toxic competition, where every project was viewed as a zero-sum game between department heads, was affecting everyone, including the group of women that Mari was leading. Yet she was certain that helping them learn effective conflict resolution skills would go a long way toward healing old wounds and building trust, and she had some experience that she believed could help.
Mari came from a large family of 7 brothers and sisters. When she was growing up in a small town in Texas, her Aunt and Uncle lived next door with their children, which meant that there were often a total of 13 cousins living in close quarters with each other. Many grievances came up, resulting in a lot of shouting and aggressive behavior, including occasional fistfights! This was terribly disruptive to the family dynamic, and although tension would come and go, the kids were left with feelings of distrust and resentment toward each other.
One summer Mari’s mother decided she’d had enough, and set out to change the game. She called Mari’s Grandmother and Great Aunt, her four Aunts and a nearby neighbor, a woman who was a respected elder of their community, to come to a gathering of elders.
At the meeting Mari’s mother and next-door Aunt described the situation with their kids. The other women listened sympathetically, and vowed to help. They decided to hold an hour-long family forum once a month, where they would listen to grievances among the kids and guide them toward peaceful solutions. The first six months were hard. Slowly but surely, this method was a game-changer for Mari’s family. The kids began to feel seen and heard by elders who cared about their wellbeing. The elder women felt respected for their knowledge and wisdom, and also enjoyed being able to learn from the kids’ perspective.
Mari told me that this family custom greatly influenced her methods of conflict resolution, and I knew she would be able to help her group. Together we worked on a dedicated conflict resolution strategy for the women in her workplace, and we taught it to them. Sure enough, slowly but surely the women began to hear, understand and trust each other. By the time our three months were done, they had booked the company’s first-ever Women’s Retreat at a resort in Mexico. The pictures on their Instagram are fire, but more importantly, they took a big risk that paid off.
Effective workplace conflict resolution skills are worth their weight in gold. They can be applied across a wide variety of career areas, such as salary negotiations, performance reviews, managerial duties and just getting along better with your co-workers! So I’ve created a brand-new training for you called, “Conflict Resolution Skills for Career Women”. Join me by Zoom on Wednesday May 5th for this 90-minute event. Only 15 tickets available, get your TICKETS HERE.
*name and some details changed for privacy