Invisible Freedom That's Yours For the Taking

©2022 Alicia Dara 

One of the things I love best about training groups of women is that they often learn as much from each other as they do from me. After I’ve taught them some Power Voice skills and strategies I always leave time for questions, and I encourage the group to contribute to the answers. They discover all kinds of workplace (and life) issues that they have in common, and start to appreciate each other in a deeper way. For this reason my clients call my group trainings a “team-building exercise”, because through the process of learning new skills and sharing common experiences the women come to genuinely trust each other, and work better together. 

In the summer of 2020 I was hired by an amazing group of women in commercial real estate. They had come together with the intention of supporting each other as they advanced in their highly male-dominated field. They wanted me to teach them Power Communication skills, so they could feel confident when speaking up in rooms full of men, and they invited me to give my training during their first annual weekend retreat, which would happen remotely. 

By that time my business had fully pivoted to online trainings, and I was excited to be part of their professional development program. My contact in the group was a woman I’ll call Carrie*, who looked a bit like Carrie Bradshaw (from “Sex in the City”) if she wore a business suit and steel-toed boots (which are better than Manolos for touring construction sites!). 

In the weeks before my training I spoke with Carrie about some of the challenges that her group faced in their workplaces. She outlined the day-to-day issues that came up for them during work meetings and  presentations to potential clients. She also told me that many of her female coworkers suffered from chronic anxiety, and had started smoking as a way of soothing their stress. Recently they had all decided it was time to quit, and planned to support each other through the challenging process of breaking their addiction to cigarettes. Quitting such an addictive habit can be challenging, and it can take a long time, with most people trying to quit several times before they fully stop. 

During my training the women were fidgety and restless, as is common when you’re trying to break a difficult and compelling habit. After I finished the first part of the event, when it’s time for questions and answers, I decided to ask about their quitting process. It wasn’t just for my curiosity; I wanted them to share more about their experiences with each other. Most of the women said they had “cut down” that weekend, and were struggling with bad cravings. I could see that some of them looked pinched and exhausted, as if they had just pushed a boulder up a hill, which is what quitting cigs can feel like. But Carrie looked completely serene, and I couldn’t help but wonder ;) what was her secret?

She said, “I went complete cold-turkey. I knew I’d never do it if I tried to cut down gradually. It’s just easier for me to get rid of cigarettes altogether than keep them around and try to resist them. I feel stronger this way!" She also said she felt like she had more control over her choices and how she wanted to live her life.

Everyone was quiet for a minute while they thought about Carrie’s answer. A few of them nodded, like her words were getting through. One woman even went over to her garbage disposal and threw in her last three cigarettes! Clearly something was happening to the group. When I checked in with Carrie a few months later, she told me that four other women quit cold-turkey that day, and none of them had started smoking again. The rest were still working on it. 

No judgment! Addictions are terribly hard to break. But there’s another important lesson in Carrie’s story that I think about all the time. It’s about how we can leverage the power of full commitment to activate our resilience and break through big blocks.

I think of full commitment as a kind of invisible freedom that we can choose anytime. It’s not about holding ourselves to an impossible standard, and beating ourselves up if we fail to meet it. It’s actually about creating space for our best, most resilient self to emerge. While it may seem easier to commit halfway to making a big change, we may find ourselves stuck in an endless dance with it, exhausted but unable to stop the music. Yet the longer we dance, the more scared we might become at the thought of breaking free completely. Fear of the unknown can be a powerful barrier to progress. Fully committing to changes can break down that wall. 

This doesn’t mean that we should go it alone. We should always reach out for help with our full commitments, especially those that involve our health and wellbeing. For example, Carrie had a good doctor who specialized in addiction treatment, and she also got acupuncture to help her with cigarette cravings. She had a group of non-smoking friends that she could check in with, and she learned a yoga routine for when she felt extra-stressed. All of these things were part of her Full Commitment Plan, and they really worked!

Fully committing to real change is bold and powerful. It’s an intention that should be backed up with actions. It's not easy, but if it's done well it can liberate us from all kinds of things that might be holding us back. It might even free us from an old self-image that no longer fits who we are anymore, and lead us to new levels of personal excellence.

So what can you fully commit to that will give you wings to fly?

*name and some details changed for privacy

Happy New Year 2022

Hi, Happy New Year! I hope you’re feeling rested and taking some deep, calming breaths. Today I want to tell you about something major that I’m going to focus on this year. 

Truthfully, it’s been on my mind all through the Pandemic. As I’m sure you already know, it’s not over yet. But I don’t think we can go on the way we were last year (and the year before). Basically, we can’t prosper and thrive if we’re stuck in survival mode. Somehow we’ve gotta get out of this! 

So for the entire year of 2022 here on my blog I’ll be focusing on resilience. I’m going to give you tips, techniques, and stories of resilience from the thousands of inspiring women that I’ve worked with and known in my life, to help you find a new path to thriving. 

The first resilience post is below. Please reply in the comments, I read everything and I love hearing from you!

 -Alicia

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Big Turtles and the Power of Connection
©2022 Alicia Dara

Way back in the 90’s, when I first moved to Seattle, I had a roommate that I adored. I’ll call her Misha. She was only five years older, but seemed to have her life already figured out. She had gotten an advanced degree in Russian literature, but found the prospect of academic life boring and lonely. Rather than get stuck behind a mountain of dusty research books, she wanted to touch people’s lives in a real way, and contribute to their healing. So she decided to become a massage therapist. 

Misha was employed at a retirement facility for elderly people. Everyone loved her, and not just because her strong, warm hands could untangle the toughest knots in their muscles. Misha had a kindness that people naturally opened to. She was the most popular staff member at the facility, with a very full schedule of massage clients. She learned many lessons from them, but this one stands out most in my mind:

One day a new patient arrived on Misha’s massage table. She was a woman in her 70’s named Annabeth, and she had just lost her husband to cancer. Annabeth had arthritis that made every movement painful, but her husband had taken good care of her right up until the last month of his life. Now he was gone, so her son had placed her in the retirement facility, hoping that she would be able to live in safety and comfort there. 

But Annabeth’s grief for the loss of her husband had made her condition worse, and her body was now so weak that she had folded in on herself. Misha found out that the staff at the facility had nicknamed Annabeth “The Turtle”, because she was constantly lying in the fetal position with her back rounded like a turtle shell. 

When Annabeth was lifted onto the massage table, she lay on her side in the turtle position with her eyes closed and her fists clenched under her chin. As Misha’s warm hands circled her spine, something extraordinary took place. Annabeth’s body began to relax. Slowly she unclenched her muscles and unfolded her limbs. She started to breathe deeper, and color came back into her face. By the end of the massage she was able to sit up, then stand on her own two feet. 

That’s when Misha noticed something shocking: Annabeth was over 6 feet tall! 

She was shaky and weak, but her face looked serene as she smiled and thanked Misha for the hour of heavenly touch that had brought her back to life. She walked out of the room and went to chat with friends in the dining hall. 

This extraordinary story popped up in my memory during the Pandemic, because the circumstances of quarantine meant that some of us had to go without touch for a long time, and it took a heavy toll on our mental and in some cases physical health. I’m sure you already recognize the value of getting a massage, or a hug from a friend, or cuddling with the dog. Consensual, caring touch is good medicine, as this story illustrates. 

But I also regard this anecdote as a powerful metaphor for the ways we keep ourselves folded up and small, until the right connection unlocks us. Many women feel like we have to stay small in order to be accepted, and this message is often confirmed by the political, social, and professional environments that we exist in. 

Yet in all of these arenas there are people who can help us become our full selves. Maybe you already have someone like that in your life, someone who makes you feel safe and fully seen. A friend, mentor, boss, or coach who encourages you to be as big as you really are without apology. When we’re that big, the world feels like a place we can handle. We can take a deep breath and go forward with fresh courage. 

So who are these magical people in your life? Can you spend more time with them, and thank them for what they offer you? More importantly, how can you be that kind of person for other women?

"Living Breath and The Death of Shame"

Back in August I published an essay on the Medium platform based on my experience working with thousands of women from around the world. Since then I’ve been asked to make it public so it can be more easily shared, which I’ve done below. Feel free to pass it along to anyone who might benefit. Comments and questions welcome.

“Living Breath and the Death of Shame” © Alicia Dara 2021

Every woman I know identifies as a nonviolent person. Many have experienced some degree of violence in their lives and firmly resolved not to replicate it. They would never do unto others what was done to them. Yet there is one scenario that eclipses this imperative to be peaceful: every woman carries her share of toxic shame, and, if given the chance, not a single one would show it any mercy on the killing floor.

Each day in my job, as I coach women to find their most powerful voice and use it at work, I will myself to stay silent about the shame vibrating in their voices. I won’t speak about it unless they ask me too, and not a single woman ever has. Each of us has had to prevail heroically in the face of toxic shame. Sacrifice, compromise and denial abounds, and the price we pay for these things can be astronomical. Coaching is not therapy, and that line should remain unblurred. Yet I’ve observed that it is ferociously therapeutic to work on freeing our voice. I hold space for that when I work with women, even if they’re just articulating the text of an office presentation. Often I can hear what their full, free voices would sound like, and it’s magnificent and heartbreaking. It haunts my dreams.

Of course we’re not talking about healthy shame, the kind that humans need to give and receive occasionally for social bonding. When we’ve hurt someone and need to apologize, a touch of shame for our actions can signal that we are genuinely remorseful and want to make amends. A little healthy shame is conducive to connection with others, and to our own integrity and self-esteem. Toxic shame is decidedly corrosive to those things. I’m referring to the specific kind that comes with identifying as female, in whatever form that may yield. The kind that sprung from the head of Patriarchy as a weapon of sublimation and oppression, and is part of the root of all human suffering. The kind that drains women’s vital life force, and keeps us small when we could be massive.

Most of us don’t face the world with our toxic shame out front. It lives inside us, and we live inside it also. It is in fact interstitial, a sticky, noxious river that flows in the spaces between all other states of being. It’s there in the way that we negotiate our place in the world. It’s there in our very thoughts, seeping into the private but vivid dialogue that we have with ourselves. Yet that is not its full measure. Shame is also a shadowland that we have mapped on our bodies, and it comes out when we speak.

Especially when a woman is speaking up for herself, she will inevitably reveal the presence of toxic shame in her voice. You can hear it clearly if you know what to listen for. It sounds like a tiny razor, humming in the air beside her vocal cords, perilously close to slashing through them. It gets edgier when she raises her voice above a certain volume, up to the place where it feels like shouting because she is a stranger to her full vocal power. You can also hear it when she is overcome by emotion, and unable to steady the trembling tone of her words. At those moments her voice sounds breathless and icy, like the stillness just before an avalanche.

I refuse to get used to the sound of shame in women’s voices. This is my personal act of rebellion. Staying shocked by their shame keeps me strong, and renews my resolve to fight it in them, and in myself. How many women on earth have had the experience of getting completely free from toxic shame, even for a moment? I suspect the number is staggeringly low, so low that as a culture we can’t even recognize when it happens. I am lucky enough to have seen it with my own eyes, and it’s extraordinary.

Here is what I’ve observed from my work: when a woman fully frees her voice, she also lets go of her shame. It happens quite suddenly, often in the middle of a sentence. She stops talking and starts crying. Not a small, leaky-eyed snuffle. A belly-whopping wail that echoes for miles. Her breathing is heavy, her lungs lit up like torches. A realization dawns on her, and it demands her attention. So much time has gone by, all those years holding herself back. They can never be reclaimed, only mourned, and she is in mourning. Her waves of pain are acute, and she must allow them to pass. Gradually her breathing slows. She opens her eyes and looks around. Something feels different: she is through the channel now, at the mouth of the river where it rushes out to sea. At least for this moment the horizon is open, and she can make her way toward it with fresh courage, and something like faith.

Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t happen often. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen it. Each time something ferocious and elemental was unleashed in the woman, which can be terribly destabilizing until she gets used to her new paradigm. In any case, even if she’s able to find a moment of freedom, she will have to keep pushing back on the toxic shame that comes at her from all directions. She might even forsake that moment and regress back to old, shame-guided patterns, which is completely understandable. Yet every day I root for the death of toxic shame in the voices of my clients. Small changes do take place, and I guide women toward them gently. “Breathe deeper,” I say, “Slow down and feel the sound moving through your body. Give yourself permission to make your volume stronger.” That’s half my job: encouraging women’s voices to roar, and to soar.

That’s also what I continue to do for myself. As a young girl I had almost no strength in my voice. In the choir, while learning my first solo, I was told to keep my volume “modulated and pretty”. Anything else would sound like egotism or aggression, both unacceptable in girls. I was instantly terrified, and stayed that way for years. It wasn’t men who imparted these rules, it was the older women around me, each speaking from her own personal reservoir of toxic shame. We inherit what is concealed inside others, the lies they have accepted as truth. We breathe their shame into our lungs like frost, shivering it down until it melts into our blood and stains our lives.

Time can certainly lessen the effects. After decades of singing and speaking, I’m no longer afraid to let my voice ring out. Each time I lecture or perform it feels powerful, yet I am aware of how long and how far I carried that early shame in my sound, and the power it had over me. I try not to think about it too much. Prioritizing hope is the other part of my job.

Some days are less hopeful than others. A woman once told me that during episodes of deep depression, when she was sliding toward suicidal feelings, she consoled herself by remembering that in death she would be, at last, free from shame. The look on her face when she said this was exquisitely grateful, as if she’d just fallen asleep on a feather bed after decades of lying on the blade of a sword. Her voice was so breathless that I had to lean close and watch her mouth, to be sure of her words. I think of them often, with equal parts tenderness and terror. I don’t know what happened to that woman. I hope she has prevailed beyond survival, and is thriving in a wonderful place. I hope she can breathe freely.

Wherever I go in the world people ask for my “takeaway” from having worked with thousands of women, as if our vast and varied experiences could be condensed down to a single decree. Please understand: I recognize that it is ridiculous to even try. Yet I will make an attempt, if only to provoke further questions about what women need in order to thrive. What I know is this: it’s useless to pretend that we can continue on with the toxic shame that lives inside us. Although we may try to enact boundaries around it, as we would a difficult friend, toxic shame is not friendly. The damage it does to us, individually and collectively, is extreme. Toxic shame deserves death, the most permanent of endings. In order to be completely free, we must kill it off forever.

So how can we do it and still remain rooted in non-violence, which is needed now on Earth more than ever in our lifetime? What would a peaceful death for our toxic shame look and feel like?

I have an idea that is only a beginning. It’s a visualization that we can do as a regular meditative practice, with our mind and body fully engaged. It comes through our breath, the most powerful and cherished evidence of being alive. You can do it any time, anywhere, for as long as you want.

Do it with me: sit back in your chair, and put your feet on the floor. Uncross your arms and legs. Unclench your jaw and your fists. Release your shoulders down to their stable resting position. Now bring your attention to your breath as it moves through your body. Don’t push or pull, just allow it to pass through. Relax your belly and let it settle. Stay there for a while, and allow your breathing rhythm to slow itself down. Now take a deep breath, and push it out as if you were blowing on the head of a dandelion gone to seed. Visualize its feathery white halo trembling, cleaving and scattering to the wind. You are breaking up toxic shame and releasing it from your body and mind. It is dying as it rises. Now it will be lifted to the scorching edge of the atmosphere, and cremated there. No need to mourn its passing: this is a time for celebration. Open your eyes, stand up, and breathe free.

Brand-New Essay

I published a very personal essay on Medium that deals with a particular aspect of my work with thousands of women. Comments and questions welcome. You can read it HERE.

Join me LIVE on Instagram Every Thursday...

My clients have been asking for more ways to find and grow their Power Voice, so I’ve started a weekly Instagram show where you can ask questions. Each week I cover topics such as Four Power Words that Get Results, Sexism and Your Power Voice, and Three Tips for Managing Nervousness, as well as my Beauty Product of the Week. I’m also sharing game-changing books and interviews with special guests who bring a unique perspective on your Power Voice. Join me every Thursday at 12:30pm PST.

Brand-New Training and Weekly Instagram Live Show

Last year during the Pandemic as everyone was switching to remote platforms like Zoom, Chime and Teams many of my clients were struggling with the shift in communication. They asked me for help, and I worked with them on all kinds of new Power Communication strategies to make sure that they could be heard and respected at work. These skills proved so popular that I’ve decided to offer them to the public. “Power Communication for Career Women” is Thursday February 18th from 4:30-6pm PST, and tickets are HERE.

Also, I’ve started a weekly Instagram show. Every Thursday at 12:30pm PST you can find me on my Insta. I’ll share tips for finding your Power Voice, plus my favorite beauty products and special guests. My insta is HERE.

As of today I still have a few places left for my 8-week private lesson package, “Power Voice for Career Women”. Contact me directly for more details.

Working Moms Deserve Respect

All respect to working mothers of the Pandemic. I wrote this article “5 Power Skills for Working Mothers” on Thrive Global for you:

Are You Registered to Vote?

Words cannot describe the full measure of urgency about this upcoming election. The current administration has already wrought so much damage and suffering, both here and abroad. We can’t let this go on for another four years.

There is no more time for apathy. Democracy is not free. We create it with our compassion, with our raised voices, and with our votes.

Go to https://www.vote.org and register to vote. You can also get information about how to order your ballot by mail, and you can get election reminders. Saving Democracy will take every single one of us. Do it now!

All About Impostor Syndrome

Thrive Global just published an interview where I describe why I think Impostor Syndrome is over diagnosed. It takes you through the 5 steps I use with clients to determine if they actually have it, and what to do next.

Will You Join Me In These Actions?

Hello, everyone. Before I begin, let’s take three slow, deep breaths. Sit back in your chair, close your eyes, and relax everywhere. Breathe slowly and deeply, three times, allowing your breath to travel lightly and loosely.

See? That feels a bit calmer. Let’s keep doing it periodically throughout the day. As I remind my clients, slow deep breathing is Nature’s Xanax. Staying calm and grounded is important right now.

The state of our country (and the world) is dire, but there are some actions we can take in service of those who might need help. In my work as an activist I’ve learned that when everything feels out-of-control on a grand scale, it’s important (and soothing) to focus on smaller issues that are happening at the micro level in our community. Taking smaller actions can help us step up to bigger ones, and we can keep up this pattern going forward

Accordingly, I’ve been raising money for two orgs that I believe in. One is the Black Lives Matter Seattle Freedom Fund, which raises bail money for Black and Indigenous folks. In the wake of recent protest events in my city, there is a great for this assistance. If you can afford to, I’m asking all my Seattle and WA state community to consider matching my $50 donation HERE

The other org I just learned about today is Rachel Cargle’s Loveland Therapy Fund, which provides financial assistance nationally to Black women and girls seeking therapy. Their goal is to provide 1,000 women in 2020 with financial support for 4-8 therapy sessions. If you can afford to, please consider matching my $60 donation HERE

In addition to these orgs, some others that I regularly donate time and money to are (click each one for donation links): Planned Parenthood Action Fund, NARAL, the ACLU and Working Washington.

Our actions matter. Our fellow citizens need our help. I hope you will join me in these actions!

My very best to all, and please stay home and stay safe.

-Alicia

Update to My Community...

Hello, everyone. As we go through this huge transition that feels frightening and uncertain, I want to send out a message of love and support. I was born into a family and community of professional artists. From them I learned that we must keep changing and evolving in order to survive. I’ve been repeating this message over and over to my clients this week (and reminding myself at the same time). I’ve moved all my client appointments and group trainings online for now, and I’m excited about being able to serve everyone in this new way.

I’ve also been starting each client session by doing 3 deep, calming breaths with my clients. Deep breathing is Nature’s Xanax. It is an action that stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, and can help us find our center and re-connect with the present moment. Now more than ever, the present moment is where we can show up as our best self, with our mind open to new lessons and solutions.

Lastly, I’ve been encouraging everyone to find time for feelings. Attempting to disown or discard the heavy emotions that can crop up during times like these can be even more unbalancing than expressing them. My mentors have always been crystal-clear on the importance of letting emotions periodically rise up and spill over, like a valve releasing pressure so it can continue doing its job. This is not a sign of weakness, but rather of self-care and self-respect. By honoring and expressing our emotions we can also stay in touch with our empathy, which is a priority as we go forward into this new paradigm together.

I hope you find this helpful. I believe in us!

My best to all,

-Alicia

"7 Tips for Becoming A Strong Public Speaker"

Thrilled to announce that The Select 7, an excellent lifestyle blog, just published my original article! I love this site and have gotten so much inspiration from their content (I check it every day!).

"Elizabeth Holmes and the Audacity of Women's Voices"

Thrive Global accepted my article about the extra burden of being “female in public”:

"5 Skills That Powerful Female CEO's Have in Common"

Here’s an article I just published on Medium. Are you a female start-up founder, or do you know one? Read this:

"What I Hear In Women's Voices That Reveals Their True Desires"

I’ve just published another essay about my work strengthening women’s voices. This one is in a magazine for women entrepreneurs. It’s the first time I’ve spoken publicly about this aspect of my coaching methods. If you’ve been my client you probably already know this, but if not you might be surprised!

A Day In the Life....

I’ve had some requests to talk about what a typical work day looks like for a professional speech and presentation coach. Here’s a glimpse:

Meditation

I start the day with 15-20 minutes of calming meditation and deep breathing. To have a powerful voice you MUST have powerful breath!

• Then I answer client emails and requests for my services. I also update my social media feeds (below is my new Facebook group for women in the tech sector, you can find it HERE). I love hearing from past and current clients about their successes!

• My office hours are when I work with clients, both private and group. I just worked with the latest cohort of Seattle’s own Female Founders Alliance, coaching them on their pitches. They were a dream!

Acupuncture

I get regular treatments to boost immunity and promote the body’s natural healing. https://www.citygardenacupuncture.com/

• My most popular group training is “Public Speaking Bootcamp for Women” and the last one of this year is coming up on Friday December 6th from 4-6pm in downtown Seattle. I give away discount codes to everyone who signs my email list, so sign up now!

• At night I usually have band practice or something related to my band Diamondwolf. Our new record just came out and you can get it now!

Thanks…

For spending the day with me! Click around my site for more info about the next “Public Speaking Bootcamp for Women”, and email me if you’d like to book a group training or private session. I look forward to working with you!

"Power Voice for Women in Tech" is Coming Soon!

I’ll be launching a brand-new online program specifically for women in the tech industry this fall. If you are a woman in the tech sector this is your happy place! For more information, sign up on my monthly email list on the right, and come on join my new Facebook group HERE.

"Sex, Power and Your Voice" is Coming to Your Inbox!

It’s a great time to sign up for my monthly email list! I’ve been working on a 3-part series of posts called, “Sex, Power and Your Voice” that I can’t wait to share with you. After 20+ years of coaching women’s voices, I’ve observed that there is a vital link between our sexuality, our safety, and our voice. I'n this exclusive series I”ll share some lessons I’ve learned and give you some exercises to help you find your Power Voice. I’ll also share some experiences I’ve had with clients, and a bit of my own story as well.

My mailing list is the ONLY place to get “Sex, Power and Your Voice”, so sign up on this page now!

Elizabeth Holmes and the Audacity of Women's Voices

By now we've all heard the story: a 19-year old Stanford dropout dupes a pantheon of big-money investors into giving billions to her phony blood-testing company, Theranos. After a whirlwind of accolades, features, and snuggle time with Oprah, Holmes' deception is unmasked by a whistleblower in her own company, and she is indicted by a federal grand jury on twelve separate counts of fraud. Currently awaiting sentencing, she is out of the public eye but very much in the public imagination, due in large part to HBO's documentary "The Inventor: Out for Blood in Silicon Valley" that was just released a few days ago. Among Holmes' fascinating characteristics, she apparently pitched her speaking voice down into a very low range, the better to appear authoritative when convincing people that her work was legit. In my work as a professional voice coach specializing in strengthening women's voices in the workplace, this is the kind of thing that I find infuriating. Not because there is anything inherently wrong with a woman dropping her voice, but because our entire society feels entitled to comment on this behavior, and to add it to the pile of judgement and condemnation of Holmes herself.

To be clear: in no way am I endorsing Holmes' crimes. What she did was wrong, and there are serious consequences to her actions that continue to unfold. She should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Yet altering one's voice is not a crime, and should not be regarded as such. Women, especially, need the freedom to experiment, play and discover our full voice, because we are societally conditioned to make our voice (and our bodies, opinions, and careers) smaller than those of men. Unfortunately society does not allow us to do so.

Here are two questions I put to every group of women that I coach: "Please raise your hand if you've ever been told that your voice is too high and feminine?" Inevitably about 50% of their hands go up. "Now raise it if you've been told that your voice is too low and masculine?" Then the other 50%. See the problem?? We are constantly being told how to be women. Either we are speaking too high (ie: girlish, feminine, and lacking in authority) or too low (ie mannish, masculine, and threatening). We can't win. This is why, when I'm coaching women's voices, I also coach them to push back against gendered feedback. It's important to note that we can and should be listening for valuable feedback about our voices that addresses things like volume, clarity, pacing and content. But anything with gender attached to it can go right into the trash.

By the way, there are extraordinary women in the public eye right now whose voices cannot be called low or masculine by any stretch of the imagination. Kirsten Gilibrand comes immediately to mind. The US senator just announced her campaign for presidency, and her voice, in its natural (higher) pitch, radiates presence, power and authority. If she became president she might actually reset our cultural belief that a low/masculine range is the default setting for projecting power. Wouldn't that be something!

As I've said numerous times: women's voices are always about women's power: how we feel about our power, how we broadcast our power to the material world, and how the world responds to that power. Holme's chose to use her power for evil instead of good. But all women deserve to experiment, play, and discover our voices, and our power, on our own terms.

BREAKING NEWS: "Public Speaking for Introverts" , an online course, is available for pre-order!

Available for Pre-Order Now!

Use the code 30preorder for $30 off the price.