Hi, Happy New Year! I hope you’re feeling rested and taking some deep, calming breaths. Today I want to tell you about something major that I’m going to focus on this year.
Truthfully, it’s been on my mind all through the Pandemic. As I’m sure you already know, it’s not over yet. But I don’t think we can go on the way we were last year (and the year before). Basically, we can’t prosper and thrive if we’re stuck in survival mode. Somehow we’ve gotta get out of this!
So for the entire year of 2022 here on my blog I’ll be focusing on resilience. I’m going to give you tips, techniques, and stories of resilience from the thousands of inspiring women that I’ve worked with and known in my life, to help you find a new path to thriving.
The first resilience post is below. Please reply in the comments, I read everything and I love hearing from you!
-Alicia
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Big Turtles and the Power of Connection
©2022 Alicia Dara
Way back in the 90’s, when I first moved to Seattle, I had a roommate that I adored. I’ll call her Misha. She was only five years older, but seemed to have her life already figured out. She had gotten an advanced degree in Russian literature, but found the prospect of academic life boring and lonely. Rather than get stuck behind a mountain of dusty research books, she wanted to touch people’s lives in a real way, and contribute to their healing. So she decided to become a massage therapist.
Misha was employed at a retirement facility for elderly people. Everyone loved her, and not just because her strong, warm hands could untangle the toughest knots in their muscles. Misha had a kindness that people naturally opened to. She was the most popular staff member at the facility, with a very full schedule of massage clients. She learned many lessons from them, but this one stands out most in my mind:
One day a new patient arrived on Misha’s massage table. She was a woman in her 70’s named Annabeth, and she had just lost her husband to cancer. Annabeth had arthritis that made every movement painful, but her husband had taken good care of her right up until the last month of his life. Now he was gone, so her son had placed her in the retirement facility, hoping that she would be able to live in safety and comfort there.
But Annabeth’s grief for the loss of her husband had made her condition worse, and her body was now so weak that she had folded in on herself. Misha found out that the staff at the facility had nicknamed Annabeth “The Turtle”, because she was constantly lying in the fetal position with her back rounded like a turtle shell.
When Annabeth was lifted onto the massage table, she lay on her side in the turtle position with her eyes closed and her fists clenched under her chin. As Misha’s warm hands circled her spine, something extraordinary took place. Annabeth’s body began to relax. Slowly she unclenched her muscles and unfolded her limbs. She started to breathe deeper, and color came back into her face. By the end of the massage she was able to sit up, then stand on her own two feet.
That’s when Misha noticed something shocking: Annabeth was over 6 feet tall!
She was shaky and weak, but her face looked serene as she smiled and thanked Misha for the hour of heavenly touch that had brought her back to life. She walked out of the room and went to chat with friends in the dining hall.
This extraordinary story popped up in my memory during the Pandemic, because the circumstances of quarantine meant that some of us had to go without touch for a long time, and it took a heavy toll on our mental and in some cases physical health. I’m sure you already recognize the value of getting a massage, or a hug from a friend, or cuddling with the dog. Consensual, caring touch is good medicine, as this story illustrates.
But I also regard this anecdote as a powerful metaphor for the ways we keep ourselves folded up and small, until the right connection unlocks us. Many women feel like we have to stay small in order to be accepted, and this message is often confirmed by the political, social, and professional environments that we exist in.
Yet in all of these arenas there are people who can help us become our full selves. Maybe you already have someone like that in your life, someone who makes you feel safe and fully seen. A friend, mentor, boss, or coach who encourages you to be as big as you really are without apology. When we’re that big, the world feels like a place we can handle. We can take a deep breath and go forward with fresh courage.
So who are these magical people in your life? Can you spend more time with them, and thank them for what they offer you? More importantly, how can you be that kind of person for other women?