In my previous post I introduced the Four Power Communication Skills that women can use to communicate their expertise, and harness it in service of advancing their careers. I want many more women to stand up and identify ourselves as experts, so that we can claim our rightful place at the top of every industry. To paraphrase RBG, women belong in all the rooms where experts are respected. It takes courage to reject sexist narratives about women in the workforce and gain the respect and influence that our expertise deserves. These Power Skills will help you advocate for your expertise in any situation.
Last time I shared the first Power Skill, which is the Language of Opinion. Today I’m going to share number two, which is The Language of Persuasion.
Experts have influence because their expertise illuminates things that we can’t see on our own. When we engage with a subject matter expert, we may come with preconceived notions, or even strong opinions, about something in their domain. But the expert has a deep
well of skills, knowledge, experience and wisdom to draw from. They are usually able to see many sides of a problem, which helps them identify viable solutions that are invisible to us. An expert who can persuade us that we might be wrong, and fully transform our point of view, is highly impactful and impressive. Through this skillful and powerful action they earn our trust, and we are highly likely to recommend their expertise to others.
Now it’s your turn to learn this important skill. Let’s break it down:
First of all, persuading someone out of a strongly-held opinion is not a quick process. People often over-identify with their own opinions, to the point where they feel distinctly threatened when those opinions are challenged. I see this phenomenon all the time when I work with executives in corporate America, who often feel that they’re in direct competition with their peers and almost everyone around them. In this highly-charged atmosphere every work day feels like a battle for territory, leading people to cling to their opinions as a method of staking their claim on a patch of unstable ground.
But even those who are merely skeptical need to be treated carefully. When it’s time to persuade someone to change their mind, it’s important to approach them lightly. The first step is to make sure that they feel seen and heard. Can you reflect back their opinion exactly as they see it? If not, ask them to clarify their point of view. Especially if you sense fear in their words, take another moment to reassure them that you understand where they’re coming from. Don’t skip this step! If you can show that you understand their point of view, you'll be more likely to persuade them to change it.
Once they feel seen and heard they will start to relax a bit. Now is the time to express some kind of common ground. Maybe you had the same fear about the issue as they did, until you learned some new facts that recently came to light. Or maybe you can point out that their opinion actually supports theirs, and that there is a natural progression in effect. You might try using an analogy or metaphor that shows the issue from a different light. Storytelling is highly effective in the Language of Persuasion, because it gets the brain moving outside the usual lines of thought and inquiry.
Whatever method you use, make sure to stay calm and respectful toward that person. Don’t gloat or act superior, or you’ll risk losing their trust forever. Remember, your objective is to build trust, and you can only do that by respecting their fundamental humanity, even if they are 100% wrong in every way. Go slowly, listen deeply, and make a compelling case. Converting a skeptic is one thing, but converting a naysayer is a high-level skill that every expert should know how to do.
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