©2023 Alicia Dara
Last summer my client Sellie*, a woman in her late 30s with green eyes and soft curly bangs, asked for a Zoom consultation to discuss an issue she was having with her boss, a woman in her 40s. Usually when a client asks for this kind of consultation the issue is about something related to their boss’ overly-zealous management style, and how it makes the client’s work life challenging. I thought Sellie might ask me for guidance about how to better communicate her needs and boundaries, so that her boss would back off and let her shine.
I’ve worked with Sellie for a few years and I know her strengths very well. She is a rising star at the tech company where she works. Among other things, she has a talent for trouble-shooting systems and optimizing them in a way that astonished Senior leadership, and led to some good assignments. Yet whenever she was asked to give presentations about her work she became so nervous that she would pass the task off to a peer, making it seem like she couldn’t handle the spotlight and wouldn’t be a good candidate for higher leadership in the company. Along with strengthening her Power Voice so she could advocate for herself and shine in all her meetings and performance reviews, we also worked on Power Presentation skills so she could stay confident and give strong presentations.
Sellie was doing great and had recently been promoted to her current position, the one that came with what I assumed was a difficult boss. But when Sellie told me the real issue, I was shocked! It turns out her boss greatly respected her, gave her plenty of autonomy to do her job, and even helped bring attention to her excellent work. Sellie loved working under this woman, and as they had become closer she learned something about her boss’ career that troubled her so much she wanted to get some guidance about how to proceed.
Apparently her boss had recently been passed over for a big promotion that she’d been working toward for years. The person who had been given the position was a man in his early 30s, someone new to the company without any of the extensive experience that her boss had acquired over 20 years in the field. Her boss had also shared that for the past few years as she moved into her 40s, her opinions and ideas seemed to have less and less effect on everyone in her life, including the various communities that she was part of and the organizations that she volunteered for. Her boss said this same phenomenon had been happening to all her friends, women who were also in their 40s.
Sellie’s concern for her boss was also her own worry. She knew that she wanted to have a long career and maybe even take over her boss’ role one day. But as she was approaching 40 she was afraid of experiencing the same situation, and wanted my advice about how to help her boss, and herself, handle the issue.
There is a word for what Sellie’s boss experienced. Actually, it’s two words: ageism and sexism. If you are a woman over 40 then you might already be experiencing this discrimination in your work and your life. If you are a woman of color then racism is likely also part of your everyday experience. The combination of these factors can make older women feel overlooked at best. Some older women feel completely dismissed by everyone, even trusted colleagues that they’ve worked with for years, and others that they’ve known and worked with in their lives. All of this during the time when they’re coming into the peak of their skills, knowledge, wisdom and experience. When you think about it, it’s completely ridiculous!
But it’s a reality for a lot of older women, including Sellie’s boss, who was feeling so demoralized by her experience with sexism and ageism that she was thinking of leaving the workforce altogether. I asked Sellie if her boss would be open to a quick chat, which she was. During our conversation I reassured the boss that she wasn’t alone, that many women I’ve worked with and known have had found themselves in the same situation. I started to give her a few specific tips to help her strengthen her communication and take back some control, but she interrupted me to ask if she could bring 3 of her friends into the call. I worked with them for an hour, and they asked for more. So I created a dedicated 3-hour training and ended up giving it to 24 women in their company, including Sellie, the head of HR, and 3 Global Vice Presidents.
In the 6-months since then Sellie’s boss left the company and founded a healthcare start-up, taking Sellie with her as COO. The head of HR, a woman in her 50s, recently joined them, and a few more of their over-40 colleagues are jumping on board as well. The best part about having so many over-40 colleagues? Everyone is so experienced and adept that no one has to be micromanaged!
On February 18th I’m offering this training to the public for the first time ever. It’s called Vitality! Power Communication for Women 40+ and it’s a unique opportunity to work closely with me and a small group of women. During this 3-hour intensive training I'll teach you the 5 Principles of Power Communication so you can confidently represent yourself in any situation, even if you’ve been overlooked or ignored. I’ll also show you the 3 Power Action Statements that will open doors at work so you can make maximum impact with your skills, knowledge, wisdom and expertise and get the respect you deserve. I’ll even show you how to make Power Connections that create new opportunities to share your wisdom and make a big impact on your community.
There are only 12 tickets available, grab yours here!